Home Economics: Ninja Style
by speedo fannypacker
Summary: The one and only Gai thinks of a way for the genins to complete their training. Home economics!
1. Prologue

Prologue 

Gai-sensei believed that to be a successful ninja, you needed to excel in every subject.

Why?

Well, simply because he was Gai-sensei. Math, grammar, science, physical fitness, and home economics.

But mostly home economics.

So, he decided that Kakashi, Kurenai, and Asuma would all join him in this little experiment. Perhaps he should have asked them first? No, of course not.

Reveal the plan 

Kakashi sighed as he heard his "arch-nemesis" Gai come bounding up, 'causing dust to fly everywhere. He shut the adult rated book he was reading and brushed himself off. Probably here to challenge him to another fight or something ridiculous like that time they did that one thing with the pumpkin….

"Kakshi! You'll never guess what I decided!" Gai said happily and continued to jump up and down looking like he had to use the bathroom.

"What?" Kakashi deadpanned.

"We're going to teach our students Home Economics!" He did his pose.

"Have you asked your students if they are even willing to do this yet?" Kakashi arched an eyebrow.

"Well, No! I haven't! But I will! And I bet I can beat you to it!" Kakashi exhaled noisily. Talk about predictable. At least there wasn't a pumpkin involved in this one.

"I'm sort of busy right now Gai," He sighed when he found that Gai had already left and gone off to inform his unlucky students about the class he was teaching.

Now, how was he going to tell Naruto, Sakura, and Sasuke? They wouldn't be too pleased with this idea. But it didn't look like anything could stop Gai now. "Well, off to get yelled at by my students," He pocketed his book and strolled off.

Convince 

"That's a great idea Gai-sensai!" Lee said excitedly after what his teacher had told him. He shot a glance at Neji. I will definitely succeed in this and beat Neji!

"You have got to be kidding me," was Neji's only reply. What did learning about how to make a muffin have to do with being a ninja? Nothing. Nothing at all.

"Ooh! This will be so much fun!" Tenten yelled excitedly and joined Lee.

"That's the spirit Tenten!" Gai said and looked at Neji, "Neji! It will be so much fun! It will help you become a Chunnin!"

Neji's head snapped towards the three. Maybe this is a good project. After all, that's what he wanted wasn't it? To surpass the main house. "Fine."

"Alright!" Gai held up his trademark pose and grinned. "Time to go tell my rival that I have gotten all my students to agree! I have definitely wont his time!" he ran off.

**Kakashi**

Kakashi was having a bit of trouble rounding up the team since they had finished their mission early and had parted ways a few hours ago. Well, he knew if he found Sasuke Sakura wouldn't be too far behind, so he proceeded to look for them first. At last, he spotted them. Sasuke didn't look too happy, but Sakura was persistent and had taken him out to lunch. He decided he would drop in.

"Yo!" He said from the window the two were sitting next to. Sakura almost fell off her chair.

"Kakashi-senei! You just took 10 years off my life!" she grasped her chair and regained balance.

"Uh, sorry about that," He continued, "after your little "date" you guys will meet me at our usual spot okay?"

Sakura turned to protest, "But you said we had the rest of the day off, we couldn't have possibly gotten **another **mission from Tsunade-sama right?"

"No, no it's nothing like that," he waved it off and went to look for Naruto.

Sasuke who was silent all this time stood up and slid his chair in. "I'm leaving," he said and was about to walk off when he felt something grab onto his arm.

"But Sasuke-kun! We're not even done eating our meal yet!" Sakura pointed to all the food that was sitting on the table.

Sasuke glanced down at the food. It did look inviting. Fine. He would stay, but just until he finished his plate. He grasped the chair again and sat down. 'I can't believe I'm doing this,' he mentally sighed.

"One more please old man!" Naruto held his bowl out and grinned as he wiped the soup off his face. That was his third bowl of ramen. He wasn't even beginning to feel full yet though. Good thing he had so many tickets. He quickly grabbed the bowl that was set in front of him and wolfed it down.

"Oiy! Naruto!" Naruto looked up and glanced around until he spotted his teacher.

"Kakashi-sensei! What brings you here? Another mission?!" he jumped up and sprinted up to Kakashi.

"Uh….no sorry, just meet me at our usually spot after your done eating and I'll explain everything," with that Kakashi jumped off somewhere once again.

**Kurenai**

Kurenai-sensai had been on her way to Hinata's house when all of a sudden Gai appeared out of no where with a big beam on his face. This couldn't possibly be good.

"Kurenai! May I ask you a favor of you?" Gai said as he approached her.

"Yes? I suppose so," she said cautiously. She was afraid of what he would say after that. She had gotten use to Gai's queer little schemes. She didn't exactly want to participate in them either. Not after that pumpkin thing…She visibly shuddered and waited for him to answer.

"I want you to round all of your students up and tell them we're having a home economic class!" he smiled.

Kurenai let out a sigh of relief. "No problem Gai." She waved bye to him as he jumped off. And then it hit her.

"Home economics?" she said out-loud.

**Asuma**

Asuma exhaled and let out a puff of smoke. He was sitting at the all you can eat barbeque place treating his students to lunch when Gai appeared out of no where.

"Asuma-sensei!" he greeted Asuma cheerfully, "I'd like you go round up your…" he stopped in mid sentence as he saw the whole team there.

"Egads! Well done, Asuma! You've rounded up your whole team already!" he gasped in surprise. "Even I was not as prepared as this!"

Gai cleared his throat; "I have decided to start a home economics class for all 4 of our students. So tomorrow, I will expect you all to be in the community center at 7:00 sharp! No slacking!" He barked sharply.

"Yes, yes, what.." Ino stopped in mid sentence.

"Did you just say home economics?!" but it was too late, Gai had already sprinted off.


	2. Team Kakashi: Uncle Wedgie

**Team Kakashi**

"Alright then here's your flower baby!" Gai said plopping the bag of flower in front of Sasuke, Naruto, and Sakura, "First you have to name it, after you do that come up to me and I'll give you the rest of your directions!" Gai said striking his trademark pose and strutting off.

Then he spun back around, "Don't forget to draw a face for it too!" he added and agan walked off.

"So what do you want this guys name to be?" Naruto said poking the flower baby.

"I couldn't care less," Sasuke replied.

"How 'bout we make it a girl?" Sakura added.

"No! It HAS to be a boy," Naruto argued

"FINE. But if it's a boy we're naming it after Sasuke," she sighed dreamily.

"No." Sasuke said.

"Never! We're naming it after me! Naruto Jr.," Naruto decided it had a nice ring to it.

"Ew! No!" Sakura shrieked.

"Okay well just hurry up and name it so we can get out of here and start doing REAL missions," Sasuke cut in on their conversation.

"Fine then Mr. Grumpy Pants I WILL!" Naruto said marching off.

"Are you sure it was a good idea to trust him with naming it Sasuke?" Sakura asked scooting closer and closer to Sasuke.

"Whatever, even an idiot like him couldn't screw this up," Sasuke said scooting farther and farther away from Sakura.

Meanwhile Naruto was casually strolling up to Gai who was busy making his pose at his team and telling him all the instructions.

"Hey fuzzy eyebrow sr. we're done naming the baby give us the rest of the instructions!" Naruto said.

"Wow you guys are fast!" Gai marveled, "well tell me the name," he said

"Uh…the name…right…" Naruto thought for a while.

"Well?" Gai tapped his foot, "I'm waiting."

"Err…uh…um….It's…" then a light bulb popped up in Naruto's head, "His name is Uncle Wedgie!" he said proudly.

Gai coughed.

"Wow, that is a very…interesting name," he finished eyeing Naruto.

"Isn't it?" Naruto asked cradling the flower baby in his arms.

"Anyways, here's the rest of your instructions, when you meet the hokage this afternoon for your mission you must take your flower baby with you and treat it as one of your teammates," Gai said.

"Are you joking around?" Naruto stared at him with disbelief.

"No." Gai said.

"How the heck are we supposed to bring this thing on a mission!" Naruto shouted and waved the baby around.

"Whoa now don't kill the baby!" Gai said grabbing the baby out of his hands.

"It's a sack of flower!" Naruto argued grabbing it back.

"That's true but you have to treat it as if it was a human being!" Gai told him.

"WHATEVER," Naruto said stomping out of the classroom.

Sasuke and Sakura had already left to go to the hokage office so, fuming, Naruto and Uncle Wedgie left the building to go get them.

Sakura choked on the tea she was drinking, "You named our flower baby WHAT!"

"Uncle Wedgie!" Naruto repeated.

"You total moron," Sasuke sighed.

"You guys said I could name the baby what ever I wanted!" Naruto said.

"But why Uncle Wedgie!" Sakura asked.

"It was the only thing I could think of!" Naruto chuckled nervously.

"Kakashi isn't there anything you can do?" Sakura whined.

"Sorry, but if Naruto named that thing Uncle Wedgie, it's name is Uncle Wedgie," Kakashi replied not taking his eyes off his perverted adult book.

"What's our mission today anyway?" Sasuke asked trying to get off the topic of Uncle Wedgie.

"Lets see…deliver goods to a neighboring village," Kakashi put his list down .

"Aw, that's boring," Naruto picked Uncle Wedgie up, "here you go Sasuke," he chucked Uncle Wedgie at Sasuke.

"What?" Sasuke caught him.

"Gai said we have to bring our flower baby on the missions," Naruto said.

"The heck!" Sasuke said staring at the baby.

"Good thing it isn't a serious mission like escorting something like that Tazuna guy," Sakura sighed.

"We're seriously bringing this flower baby on our mission?" Sasuke asked.

"Yup, there's no going against Gai once he makes his mind up," Kakashi said starting to walk out the door, "lets go."

"Yes!" Naruto said punching the air and practically sprinting out of the building.

"This is so stupid," muttered Sasuke as he followed.

"Okay Sakura, you can take the vegetables, Naruto and Sasuke will carry everything else!" Kakashi finished happily.

"What will YOU be doing?" Naruto and Sasuke asked at the same time grumbling at the heavy sacks on their backs.

"Supervising?" Kakashi asked with an innocent face.

"Suure," Naruto growled as he almost tipped over due to the weight on his back.

"There won't be any ninja's attacking will there?" Sakura asked carry her measly bag of vegetables. Oh, and Uncle Wedgie. We can't be forgetting about him now. The boys decided that since she really wasn't doing anything helpful she could at least hold Uncle Wedgie.

"No this is just a D rank mission nothing of that sort could ever happen," Kakashi said reassuring her.

"Last time you said that we were almost killed by a jounin," Sasuke said raising an eyebrow.

"That was Tazuna's fault," Kakashi said blaming the bridge building and walking off.

After a while of walking the team decided that they were getting just a bit tired and stopped off to rest.

But! That's when the random jounin ninja's attacked!

Oh me! Oh my!

Sakura screamed as two of them jumped out of the bush and grabbed her and putting a kunai to her throat, "Help me!" She screamed feebly.

"Sakura!" Naruto yelled going after the ninja's but getting knocked back by their awesome jounin-ness. He was, after all, just a gennin, and didn't have enough awesome gennin-ness to go up against their jounin-ness!

And now that I've thoroughly confused you…onto the action!

"Katon! Gokakyu no jutsu!" Sasuke yelled busting out his fire moves that NEVER work!

But of course…It didn't work! Oh my gosh no way!

"You guys take the flower baby!" Sakura screamed and threw the flower baby and Naruto who had managed to get back onto his feet.

"No no no! Don't give it to me!" He yelled and threw it to Sasuke.

"Huh?" Sasuke looked down at the flower baby that had somehow worked it's way back into his hands, "I'm a little BUSY right now!" he said fending off MORE jounin ninja's that had popped out of no where!

"Augh!" Naruto shouted as the flower baby landed in his arms again, "Sakura!" he tossed it to Sakura who was STILL held hostage by the ninja because nobody had bothered to save her yet.

"No you idiot!" she yelled as it hit her in the face and fell uselessly onto the ground.

"Moron! We can't have that baby get damaged!" Sasuke said diving for it but only getting a mouthful of dirt because some OTHER ninja had kicked it off to oblivion.

"Uncle Wedgie!" Naruto cried chasing after the flower baby and diving into the bushes.

"Naruto! Get back here!" Kakashi yelled still trying to figure out a good plan to get Sakura out of her situation. But of course since he WAS Kakashi and he DID have sharingan he just used his awesome speed skills and stuck up from behind the ninja.

He successfully knocked the guy out and grabbed Sakura, "Stay right here and don't move," he instructed.

"Hey guys look!" Naruto resurfaced from the bushes with Uncle Wedgie in his hands, "I found him!"

"Stop worrying about the stupid baby and get back here to help us!" Sasuke asked kicking a ninja in the face and then punching him.

"Take the baby then!" Naruto said once again chucking the baby at Sasuke.

"I told you I can't!" Sasuke said throwing it once again at Sakura. She caught it and just sat there uselessly because if she had thrown it back to Naruto the whole cycle would've repeated over and over again.

Just then ANOTHER evil ninja popped out and grabbed Sakura pulling her away from Uncle Wedgie, "Oh no!" she threw the baby as far as she could, which wasn't very far, but far enough to hit Sasuke in the back of the head.

Sasuke stood there dazed for a second before picking up the object that had been thrown at his head, once he saw what it was he groaned.

Suddenly all of the ninja's crowded around Sasuke making him panic and reveal sharingan, with his last ounce of strength he wound up and threw Uncle Wedgie with all his might shouting at the top of his lungs "FLOWER BABY NO JUTSU!"


	3. Team Kurenai: Monsieur Mustache

**Team Kurenai**

"Geez, when's that stupid old bowl hair cut guy getting over here!" Kiba complained as he watched Gai and Naruto flail their arms wildly around and fighting each other for possession of the flower baby.

Team Kurenai had been sitting there for an hour listening to Gai lecturing everybody about how to take care of the flower baby. He also had this corny dramatic music playing in the background, because flower babies were VERY dramatic.

"Ah! It's team Kurenai!" Gai exclaimed as he finally reached their table, "aren't you guys just bursting with youthful energy!"

"Right," Shino said adjusting his glasses.

Gai set the flower baby down on the table and let the three examine it for a few minutes.

"THIS is it?" Kiba asked poking it.

"Yes, what were you expecting?" Gai said.

"Well I don't know," Kiba rolled his eyes, "YOU were the one that said it would be a great adventure!"

"It's…um…really small," Hinata commented, also disappointed.

"We were running a little low on funds, they were originally bigger, but we couldn't afford those," Gai said with tears in his eyes, with that he enveloped them in a big bear hug, "I'm SO sorry!" he wailed.

"It's okay, now let go," Shino said as he was being squeezed to death.

Gai sniffed, "I'm sorry about disappointing you!" with that he ran off.

"Wow," Kiba said twitching, "I'm just going to pretend that, that didn't happen."

"What's our flower baby's name going to be?" Hinata asked picking it up.

"I don't really care you guys can decide," Shino said and went back to counting his bugs. Because that was so the cool thing to do.

"What do you think Akamaru?" Kiba asked the dog resting on top of his head.

"Arf!"

"Alright, it's settled!" Kiba said slamming his hand down on the table making several of Shino's bug's tumble off helplessly. Shino glared at Kiba through his glasses and bent down to pick them up, "the name will be…Akamaru Jr.!"

"No." Shino said, now officially in a bad mood.

"Perhaps we should draw the face first and then decide the name?" Hinata said not wanting the boys to get into another fight, especially while they were still in the building.

"Fine," Kiba said pulling a sharpie out taking the sack of flower out of Hinata's hands.

"What do you have in mind, Kiba?" Hinata said peering over his shoulder. But that only caused Kiba to hunch over even more and continue to draw rapidly.

"Leave him be Hinata," Shino sighed.

"Voila! It's perfect," Kiba said showing everybody the flower baby. It had a badly drawn face and a curly mustache and beard, like Iwashi's! Oh how I love Iwashi's beard!

"Kiba, people aren't BORN with mustaches, you have to grow them," Shino said.

"I think Shino's right…" Hinata said staring at the hideous baby.

"Too bad! I'm keeping it!" Kiba said stomping off to go find Gai and confirm the baby's name.

He found Gai, once again talking to his team and striking obscene poses, "Hey, we're done naming it and stuff so…can we leave?" Kiba asked interrupting their conversation.

"Yes! But first you have to tell me what your flower baby's name is," Gai said blocking Kiba's way out.

"It's…" Kiba trailed off staring the baby and trying to come up with a suitable name, "Monsieur Mustache!"

"That sure is a nice beard he has there…" Gai said admiring Monsieur Mustache's wonderful Iwashi beard!

"I know huh?" Kiba said showing Monsieur Mustache off to everybody.

"Very well then you may leave," Gai said moving out of the way.

"Thanks," Kiba said sauntering out, feeling VERY accomplished even though all he did was think up a really weird name for his flower baby. He tried to remember where Kurenai had ordered them to meet up, but couldn't think of anything so he decided Akamaru, Monsieur Mustache, and him would have lunch together!

Meanwhile…

"Where's Kiba?" Kurenai asked noticing their three-man team had been reduced to two.

"We kind of…lost him…" Hinata said a faint blush tainting her cheeks; "he went to go tell Gai about the flower baby's name and never came back to us."

"That's wonderful," Kurenai said trying to think up of something for them to do instead of traning, "What do you guys feel like doing?"

"Train," Shino replied.

"Besides that," Kurenai said.

"Missions," Shino retorted.

Kurenai let out an exasperated sigh, "Don't you guys want to do anything else besides training and missions? Don't you guys have a social life?"

Both Shino and Hinata looked away.

"Okay well we're going out to eat then," Kurenai said grabbing both of them and dragging them off to the nearest resturant.

And wow what a coincidence Kiba and Akamaru were sitting at the resturaunt they were dragged to!

"Kiba!" Kurenai scolded, "Why didn't you show up for training?"

"I couldn't remember where we were supposed to meet," Kiba said swallowing a piece of meat.

"What is THAT?" she pointed at the repulsive flower baby sitting in the corner and raised an eyebrow.

"Hey! Don't make fun of Monsieur Mustache!" Kiba grabbed the flower baby and cradled it in his arms.

"Monsieur Mustache?" Shino groaned, "You named our flower baby Monsieur Mustache?"

"Yeah, what's wrong with that?" Kiba asked obviously missing the point.

"It's nothing Kiba…it's just a very…err…unique name," Hinata said having a bit of trouble wording everything so Kiba wouldn't get ticked off. Not that he would've anyway because this WAS Hinata we're talking about here!

"I think Monsieur Mustache is perfectly suitable for him!" Kiba pointed at the curly mustache and the pointy beard, "see? He has facial hair, so therefore he should be named Monsieur Mustache."

"I bet no other team has a ridiculous name for their flower baby," Shino muttered.

"Actually, that's not true Kakashi's team named their flower baby Uncle Wedgie," Kurenai added.

"Your not helping," Shino glared at his teacher.

"I think we should quiet down, the people in the resturaunt are starting to get a bit angry," Hinata pointed out as the occupants of the diner glared at the four of them for making so much noise.

"Your right Hinata, why don't we just sit down to eat like we originally planned," Kurenai sat down in the booth, "everybody thank Kiba! He just agreed to treat us!"

"Hey! What!" Kiba stared at Kurenai.

"Right?" She glared and held a kunai up.

"Eep! Yes!" Kiba grumbled as he pulled his wallet out, "black mail…"

"How nice of you Kiba!" Hinata said obviously missing the threatening part.

"Yeah, yeah whatever," Kiba silently sulked as he emptied the contents of his wallet onto the table.


	4. Team Asuma: Yum Yum

Holy crap it's been two years since I've touched fanfiction. Forgive me anybody who's been waiting for an update…they'll come…EVENTUALLY! Isn't it strange that I'm picking this back up during the hardest years of school?

Team Asuma 

Team Asuma was bored.

No, that's incorrect.

Shikamaru was bored.

Then again, wasn't he always?

"When's that weird jump suit guy going to get over here?" Ino whined.

"I'm hungry," said Choji.

Shikamaru sighed.

"Ah yes! Team Asuma! Here's your flower baby. Name it, take good care of it, and be back here by tomorrow with it still intact and we'll give you an A+!" Gai flashed a thumbs up sign at the genin who returned his grin with blank stares.

"Mkay," Ino huffed because she was a teenager therefore giving her the right to be perpetually angry at the world and everybody who inhabits it. She grabbed the flower baby and beckoned the other two to follow her.

Shikamaru rolled his eyes and sighed.

Choji…was Choji, and he followed Shikamaru.

They found Asuma gazing off into space and smoking his cigarette, "Hm? So what do you guys want to do now?" he glanced up.

"Is this really necessary?" Shikamaru asked.

"Yes. Yes it is," Asuma blew out a puff of smoke.

"I'm hungry," Chouji said, once again.

"Yes we _know_, Chouji. But we have to do this stupid "mission" first, then we can get you food." Ino held the flower baby up.

"This is so troublesome," Shikamaru sighed and kicked a rock. He would much rather be doing Shikamaru-ish things like…cloud watching. Or sleeping.

"Shikamaru everything is troublesome to you," Ino scowled and threw the flower baby at him.

Shikamaru caught it and stared at it, "What do you want me to do with it?"

"Name it. Duh," Ino said as if it were the most obvious thing in the world and that Shikamaru was supposed to read people's minds.

"I'm not going to lie, I don't care," Shikamaru said bluntly.

"Well, at least let it have a gender," Asuma said lighting up another cigarette.

"Does it really matter?" Chouji asked.

"Yes. Yes it does." Asuma said

"Stop answering our questions like that," Ino said, "and stop acting like you even care Asuma," she glared at him.

He shrugged, "You caught me. Just…I don't know. Throw it in your rooms for a day or something and then grab it tomorrow. When he does the inspections."

"Kay well, who wants to keep it?" Shikamaru asked.

"Don't look at me, I have…uh…I have…very important things to do." Ino replied.

"Like what, take more pictures of Sasuke while he's not looking?" Shikamaru raised an eyebrow.

Ino look appalled, "How dare you suggest that I do something like that!"

"We've seen your room Ino," Shikamaru said knowingly.

"All those picture frames," added Chouji.

"And those boxers with the Uchiha fans on them."

"And that lock of hair." Asuma piped in.

"We saw you last week," Shikamaru deadpanned.

"Yeah, remember? You fell out of that tree when we asked you what you were doing," Chouji added gasoline to the fire.

"What was Sasuke doing to that pumpkin in that one picture anyways?" Chouji asked.

"Shut up! You guys don't even know what you're talking about!" Ino huffed and stomped away, "You can take care of that stupid baby!" she screeched back at them. And then secretly whipped out a Polaroid camera and a pair of scissors and ran off to find Sasuke.

Yeesh. What a creeper.

"Well, Chouji…do you want to keep it?" Shikamaru suggested.

"If that's what you want me to do Shikamaru," Chouji said evenly.

"Well, alrighty then. You can take it. I have to go do chores for my mother." Shikamaru sighed for what seemed like the millionth time that day, "See you tomorrow." He handed Chouji the flower baby and strolled off.

"I have some missions to take care of," Asuma said as he too walked off leaving Chouji all alone.

Chouji felt slightly lonely. Then he glanced down at the flower baby in his hands, and realized that he was hungry, again. So he set off for his house.

"Dad I'm home," Chouji flopped down on the couch.

"Shouldn't you be out with your team?" Chouji's dad glanced over the top of the newspaper.

"They all had other things to do," Chouji doodled on the flower baby, "is there anything to eat?"

"No, I haven't done the shopping yet," his dad replied.

Chouji sighed.

And then he did a double take at the flower baby.

A light bulb went off in his head.

The Next Day 

Team Asuma met at their usual spot and patiently waited for Chouji to show up.

"Where is he? He's so late," Ino put her hands on her hips.

"It's too early," Shikamaru yawned.

"Hey guys!" Chouji ran up carrying something.

"What took you so long?" Shikamaru asked, "And what's in your arms?" he pointed at the Tupperware.

"Is that…is that a cake?" Ino asked horrified.

"IS THAT OUR FLOWER BABY?!"


End file.
